Refuge: An Unnatural History of Family and Place

 

 

I bought Refuge for a nonfiction class at UVU (same class where I read An Elemental Thing), but it ended up not being read in class, and it took me until now to read it. Refuge is Terry Tempest Williams' female family history told alongside the story of The Great Salt Lake and her migratory birds. 

 

It was really hard for me to get into the novel. Chapters opened with different numbers, water level, number of birds, etc. Numbers are hard for me to comprehend, so the significance of the numbers at the beginning of each chapter was missed by me. It also felt like things weren't exactly in order, which was hard for me to understand. It was unclear when things were happening in the timeline. I also felt that Refuge has a very narrow demographic as to who would be most drawn to it. I know it's not something I would pick up off a shelf and take home myself. I give it 3 stars.

Veil of Roses

I really thought I hadn't read Veil of Roses before, but as I started reading it, it felt rather familiar, and by the almost end, I was positive I had read it before.  Regardless, I think Laura Fitzgerald's Veil of Roses is a good, and important read. 

Veil of Roses introduces us to Tamila from Iran. Her parents have sent her to America.  And if she can find a husband, she can stay. No more veil.  No more oppression.  She can finally be free. 

I liked Veil of Roses because Fitzgerald keeps it light, but still obvious that women in Iran are oppressed   It's a good introduction to the subject; it serves as the setting, not the conflict of the novel.  It's made me interested in learning more about the Iranian and Islamic cultures.  I recommend this book to older YA readers and adults, especially women who are interested in a simple introduction to the differences in their lives form the women in Iran. 

Barefoot

There's a quote on this cover about Barefoot making you want to pick up everything and head to the beach. Which it did-- Just to get me away from this book! Elin Hilderbrand writes to show us how smart and well-read she is, trying to make herself sound brilliant and comparable to the great works of literature one might study as an English major, while presenting herself as a beach-read chick-lit author. And Barefoot certainly appears to be a beach read, but it clearly is not.  Hilderbrand, in mixing her demographics and genres, seemingly to obtain more readers, must be losing readers from both sides. She attempted to write an intellectual beach book and failed. I can't say that I recommend this book. 

let's talk about princesses

There's a modern movement, especially among feminists, against princesses. According to them, princesses teach our daughters to be spoiled, selfish, to let the men "rescue" them.  People don't want to expose their daughters to princess any more.  They want to get them away from all things pink and girly, exposing them instead to strong women role models. 
If you can't tell, I disagree.  And not because I'm kind of a princess myself or because I don't want my daughters to be strong women. My daughters can be whatever, whomever, they like, as long as they are good people. 

If my daughters love pink and princesses (which may be genetic at this point!), okay. I'm good with that. But good princesses are polite. It's the step-sisters who are snots.  Cinderella remains a lady despite her treatment by the stepsisters. Princesses have responsibility   They have to set a good example.  They have to take care of their people. 

There are also examples in real princesses. Princess Kate, who's technically only a duchess, is one of The Hundred Most Influential People in the World according to Time Magazine. She supports many charities and is to volunteer with the Scout Association in North Wales. She always appears ladylike and professional in public. She doesn't dress like a tramp. She doesn't act like Paris Hilton or Snooki. She acts like a princess and is a great role model! Why wouldn't I want my daughters to act like a princess? 

I'm a Feminist & You Should be, too

Hi. My name is Jayme and I'm a feminist. 

("Hi, Jayme!") 

Now, before you get all bent outta shape because you think feminist is a dirty word, you should know that it's not. A feminist isn't a bra-burning, hairy-armpit-ed, man-hating lesbian.  That woman can be a feminist, but you don't have to be her to be a feminist. It's like how all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares. 

A feminist is, simply put, any person who wants equality between the genders, anyone who believes women should not be submissive and subservient to men. Anyone who wants to give women a choice and a voice.  

Being a feminist is embracing my womanhood without diminishing my husband's manhood (heh. That sounds funny).  Being a feminist isn't about woman being better than man, it's about equality, opportunity, and choice. It's allowing women the same rights and choices we allow men.  It's that I can be a doctor or a lawyer, if I want. Or I can be a stay-at-home mom if i want. It's about the freedom to do what I want and be who I want to be and allowing others the same choice. 

So really, should we all be feminists? 

A Grown-Up Kind of Pretty

If I was quoted and it was put on the front of this book, it would say, "If you enjoyed Face on the Milk Carton as a teen, you'll love Jackson's A Grown-Up Kind of Pretty."  It's also reminiscent of  Esme Lennox with the southern feel of Harper Lee in today's world. Okay, it's not Harper Lee good, but I sure did enjoy it. It's almost a 5. Just not quite there yet. 

A Grown-Up Kind of Pretty tells us the story of the three Slocumb women, 45-year-old Big, 30-year-old Liza, and 15-year-old Mosey. Yup, getting pregnant at 15 runs in the family, and even though Mosey is a virgin, she regularly pees on a stick to assure herself she's not pregnant. Big feels that God sends her biggest trials every 15 years, and this year is no exception. All three of these women tell us their part of the story as Jackson takes us down the winding road of Liza's past as we try to unravel her secrets as well as the truth. I liked the twist and the mystery, but I'm not sure that I loved this novel. It got a little blurry at parts, especially at the end, and the logical me things there are some legal ends that will need to be tied up that are not discussed in the novel. Granted, that's not the point of the novel or the moral of the story . . . 

It was weird for me, though, that I related more to Liza's high school years than Mosey's, that I'm closer in age to Liza at 30 than Mosey at 15. Regardless, I really liked this novel, and I think you will too! 

The Handmaid's Tale

In the very same class where Feed was required reading, we were also introduced to The Handmaid's Tale. A post-apocalyptic novel of a newly formed utopia, which only brings misery and pain, serving as a dystopia, to many liberals of the 80s, including Offred, the handmaid in the title.  In a backlash of feminism, the Republic of Gilead is formed and is based on and governed by Old Testament manner and moral. Anyone who cannot conform to the new ways or lived differently in the past is subject to punishment, exile, or death. 


In this reformed government and society, Offred, and women like her, are separated from their families and made to serve as handmaids. They loose their entire person. Even their names are changed. Offred simply means she is of Fred. As in he is her master. She is handmaid to his wife. Handmaids as in the biblical sense. As in Sariah couldn't have a baby, so she offered her handmaiden to Abraham to produce an heir. Many of the women in the new Republic of Gilead are like Sariah and too old too have babies, and many of the babies made, even by the handmaids, are sickly. Offred's job is to make a baby for Fred and his wife. And this is Offred's story.


The Handmaid's Tale is a very interesting book to read. It's crazy to see how a society can take things too far while trying to to do good. I highly recommend this book to those of ya'll who like post-apocalyptic and utopia/dystopian-style. 

3 Lives

I'm being a bit of procrastinator with the packing, and Cassidy is still in bed, so I thought I'd do a little book post. It's a little book-report-y, 

but I hope you enjoy it! 

"Three Lives, more radically than any other work of the time [1909] in English, brought the language back to life. . . . life as it was lived by everybody living in the century, the average or normal life as the naturalists had seen it" -- Donald Sutherland, in Gertrude Stein: A Biography of Her Work

Madame Cezanne portrait that inspired Stein's Three Lives

Three Lives was the first published work of Stein, and consists of the stories, or studies, of three women: "The Good Anna" is a kind but authoritative German servingwoman; "Melanctha" is an uneducated but sensitive black (or mulatto) girl; and "The Gentle Lena" is a pathetically feebleminded young German maid. Overall, the writing style, straightforward and sometimes repetitive, really reminded me of Joyce, which is inline with critics who call Three Lives an American Ulysses. 

"Melanctha", the longest of the three, has given me much more to talk about than the other three. It was a little racist and Stein used many antiquated terms, but was it racist for the early 1900s when Three Lives was published? I don't know. But it does include many stereotypes. It's also interesting to note that she has no adjective to her name as the other women do. Not only about race, "Melantha" is also about depression and the role of women. She considers suicide multiple times throughout. It really was the most memorable for me. 

Overall, I liked Three Lives. it took some time to get used to the writing style, both of Stein and the vernacular of the early 1900s, and to adjust to the higher literary level of the novel versus the majority of today's. Once I got used to it though, I really did enjoy the story. It  was interesting to see how their lives were so different from ours today, but women problems are still women problems. The characters were fairly relate-able and memorable. It was a very literary endeavor, but well worth the undertaking. 

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan

A few weeks ago, Cass and I were redboxing and I saw that Snow Flower and the Secret Fan was made into a movie, so I absolutely had to get it.  It's one of my favorite books and I thought Cass would like it, since it has to do with China (he did!). 

Well, so the movie inspired me to re-read the book, so that I could remember everything as well as compare it to the movie. Snow Flower and the Secret Fan  is about two little girls, Snow Flower and Lily, preparing for their footbinding.  Instead of being sworn into a sisterhood with girls from their village, they form a laotong relationship, or an eternal bonding of two as kindred sisters. They are soul mates. Snow Flower tells the story of Snow Flower and Lily as they grow up and lead their separate lives. 

As I said, this is one of my favorite books. It is so relate-able. It is timeless. All women form intimate friendships. We all have heartaches. All of our friendships wax and wane. We all have misunderstandings. But when it comes down to it, your true friends are always there when you need them, as with Lily and Snow Flower.

The Help

I may be the absolutely last person in the universe to have read The Help, but if, by some chance, I'm wrong and you haven't read it yet, you really should. 


It was amazing and touching. 


What gets me most is that it's the sixties. The sixties. And in the south, they still have their colored help. This is Bewitched. And it's civil rights. It's like my momma could be Mae Mobley, and "the help" has to use a seperate bathroom! They're good enough to raise kids, but not much else. They know how to keep house, but they're "too stupid" to take care of themselves? I'm confused. Which, I suppose, is part of the point of the book. I also liked how it tied in feminism. Everything, all these changes, were just starting. People thought things were fixed. They thought things were fine. Women could vote. Blacks could vote. Everyone got to go to school. Separate but equal. Activists knew better. And because of these people, life is different today. 


Last thought? I don't know why, but I had to check if stockett was white or black. She's white. However, she had a history quite like Miss Skeeter, so that's the connection :) 

Sing You Home

Jodi Picoult's latest, Sing You Home, is controversial, same as any other Jodi book.

It deals with miscarriage, IFV, stillbirth.

Divorce.

Embryos as property or people. 

Lesbians.

Religion.

It's all over the place, but so very much together. Jodi was asked why she mixed the topics together, and she said she couldn't see doing them apart. They belonged together.

And in Sing You Home, they most certainly do. 

As always, I feel a little hesitant in recommending Jodi; she's a little risque for the conservative type. I, however, found this one to be not too extreme or explicit.

And, of course, I loved it to death.

Read on!  

Queen's Own Fool

As ya'll know, I'm a fool for historical fiction, and I'm kind of on a YA FIC kick.

Also, I love Jane Yolen. 

The Devil's Arithmetic? My favorite Passover book.

Briar Rose? So creative! I love the mix of fairy tale with the Holocaust.

I used to read a lot of Holocaust novels.

Turns out, I've actually read this book before. I still enjoyed it though.

I wouldn't really recommend it to a kid who struggles with reading, but it's a great  book for a nerd like me. Mary Queen of Scots? She's a total powerhouse. I've read non-fiction about her! So yeah, Queen's Own Fool was great. Not my favorite Yolen, but still a good read!

Spiritual Sunday: Visiting Teaching

I've been thinking all day about what I wanted to blog about today and nothing seemed quite right, til I remembered what I had done earlier this week. I did my visiting teaching! I don't really enjoy visiting teaching because I have a hard time talking to people I don't know very well and I just don't have much experience with it in general. Luckily, my companion is a member of the Relief Society Presidency, and she has been just great at arranging the visits and helping the conversation flow. This month it's my turn to do the lesson and I was really nervous; I had never done it before.

Wednesday came around and it had just been a rough day for me in general. I really did not want to go visiting teaching. I wanted to change into my jammies and watch tv and drink diet coke and eat junk food. But I told Dani I would go visiting teaching with her. And I went. 

The message this month is "If We Do Not Doubt" by Julie Beck. She discusses the stripling warriors and how 

“If they did not doubt, God would deliver them” (Alma 56:47).

saying:

“We do not doubt our mothers knew it” (Alma 56:48).

 She encourages us to strive to be like these mothers, so that our children, too, will not doubt we knew it. She concludes with

Latter-day Saint women who recognize that their strength comes from the Lord’s Atonement do not give up during difficult and discouraging times. As covenant keepers, we excel at upholding, nurturing, and protecting children and youth so that one day we might say of this rising generation, “Never had I seen so great courage, nay, not amongst all” (Alma 56:45).

 Even though Sister Beck didn't say it, I think it's also okay to take out of this message that even as women, we can be as the warriors too. We can emulate both the warriors and the mothers. It takes all types of courage.

Dani and I discussed this message with our sister and I really had a great time. We were able to just talk about our lives, which isn't something I get to do with other girls very often. And I left with a smile on my face. I didn't want to go visiting teaching, but I'm glad I did. It totally changed my attitude, and it wasn't the message that did it.  

Modest is Hottest

"I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me - dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. It’s nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn’t do that. Personally, I don’t actually think it’s even that sexy. What’s sexy about saying, ‘I’m here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I’ve got?’ My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder. - Emma Watson

I've seen this around on facebook the past few days, with the added caption of "Modest is Hottest" and it kind of drives me crazy.  She never said "Modest is Hottest" and is truly talking about something much different: being her own beautiful self.  This also reminded me of a subject I've been meaning to write about and haven't yet. So here we go.

Here's the thing: "Modest is Hottest" is a huge contradiction. 

mod·est  (mdst)

adj.

1. Having or showing a moderate estimation of one's own talents, abilities, and value.

2. Having or proceeding from a disinclination to call attention to oneself; retiring or diffident. See Synonyms at shy¹.

3. Observing conventional proprieties in speech, behavior, or dress.

4. Free from showiness or ostentation; unpretentious. See Synonyms at plain.

5. Moderate or limited in size, quantity, or range; not extreme: a modest price; a newspaper with a modest circulation. (emphasis mine)

Hot
	1) Having extreme sexual attractiveness. (emphasis mine).

See? How can one be "unpretentious" or "not extreme" in any area while also "having extreme sexual attractiveness"? Modest, ergo, cannot be hottest! And in practice, aside from the linguistic contradiction, this is a problem. Women are told to dress modest to detract attention from males. But if we are hot, are we not attracting their attention as well? So we cover up to be modest and keep those easily swayed men at bay. And then, in being modest, we become the hottest, directly attracting the attention of those same men! What's a girl to do? How can you keep yourself from being a sexual object? For in being modest, you are hottest, which is directly correlated to being sexy and a sexual object of lust.

Another problem I see in this: only women are told "Modest is Hottest." If you were to see two teenagers walking down the street, both in shorts and a tank top, one a boy and one a girl, who is immodest? The girl. They're showing the same exact thing. 

In my experience, I have generally heard men, or boys, saying this phrase. Men are telling women what to do, how to dress, in order for men to find them "hot." Why do women have to dress for men? Can they not dress the way they want? Yes, sometimes covering up is much more sensual than a naked body. But that is something entirely different. There is a beauty to being yourself, that's what Emma Watson is talking about. Not that modest is hottest.  Yet now women are throwing around this phrase that their modest clothes are what makes them so hot. Clearly they are more righteous and more deserving of male attention.

I also have a problem with the young-ness of people bantering about this phrase. I know I was told it once in high school; we went to parent-teacher conferences (rather, my mom did and I went to the basketball game) after dance class and I was in a tank. The tightness of the tank and my dance pants were not the problem. My "undeniably sexy" shoulders were the problem. The boys were the first to say it, but an older sister of one of the boys also chimed in. I couldn't help but think she was jealous as she was a little overweight and I was at my prime. Couldn't they mind their own business? I was promptly given a shirt to wear. And I was wearing appropriate clothes for dance class. I was showing the same amount of skin, or less, than the girls we were watching play basketball. Where was I wrong?

"Modest is hottest" needs to be disbanded from our current jargon. It is a contradiction. It is harmful. And it is  relegates women to being consistently and solely sexual beings.  Aren't we done with that?

Sweet Grandmas, Quilts, and Weddings

My grandma passed away January 15, 2007. She was the mist kind, loving, selfless woman I have ever met. I won't go into brag-mode, but suffice it to say I consider myself blessed to have had her example. I sure hope she wore of on me.

As I plan my wedding, I am oft thinking of how things would be different if she were here. She was both an expert seamstress and quilter. She made stockings for all of us by our first Christmas, would randomly make us quilts, sewed my baptism dress, and was apparently finishing my mom's wedding dress on the way to the temple! While Grandma probably would've sewn my wedding dress, what I wanted most was a wedding ring quilt. You know, one of those old school ones that take forever to make and represent eternity. Well my mom loves my brother-in-law enough to make him a stocking last Christmas, but she doesn't love me enough to make me a quilt. And so I was resigned to store bought quilts until someone taught me to make my own.

This weekend I was thrown a lovely shower by my sweet new aunts and girl cousins. Grandma Swallow was able to leave her mission for the afternoon and come as well. And she made me a gorgeous quilt! I was just blown away that she would take the time out of her busy schedule to make me -- someone she hardly knows-- such a wonderful gift. Even the aunts and Grandma McCoy. I have met these people once before, and they were also so kind and welcoming. It was great!

And yes I love and miss my grandma. But these women will be wonderful togave in my life as well.

The Virgin Blue

I really didn't like this book!

Okay, that's out of the way. So The Virgin Blue is about this girl, Ella, who moves to France with her husband. Turns out, she's of French descent, but her folks emigrated during the Catholic/Huguenot problems. In stereotypical novel fashion, she starts researching her ancestors, and librarians are more than happy to help her, going out of their way and spending their own time to research her family. The French must be a very helpful people.

Then the novel will flash back to Ella's ancestors. I enjoyed these parts much more, which I have found is generally a problem with this sort of novel. I am always more interested in one of the two stories, usually the historical.  Maybe if it was used more sparingly, as a frame, or a bookend, I would be able to stand it better. 

With these history books, especially Catholic/Huguenot ones, an element of magic is generally present in the women. I'm kind of fascinated by this idea; that men have religion and women have magic. Rephrase: There is a certain mysticism to these women and their rituals, but it isn't like they're casting spells. Just that they believe in a spiritual goddess or female power to help them. This, of course, becomes a major problem for Isabelle, the ancestor, in this book. 

Spoiler: Ella cheats and it bothers me. I don't like her character at all.

And to finish my unclear and scattered review of this book, I feel like Isabelle's story ended quickly and unclearly (whereas she could have an entire novel to herself) and Ella's was unnecessarily drawn out. It was just weird. It got really staccato-y at the end, especially Isabelle's story. I just didn't like it at all. Don't read it.  

A Feminist and a Lady

Yeah, Yeah, it sounds like an opening for a joke . . . 

But really.  With all this feminism going around, I feel like the whole concept of being a lady is lost.  I can still be an independent woman, equal to men, and allow him to buy me dinner or open my door.  And is it not more gracious to allow men to help me? To be chivalrous? I feel like in striving for equality, women are trying to make men redundant or worthless, trying to completely replace them. I think we're forgetting that we want EQUAL, not better than, or else we're just reversing the prior roles and becoming hypocrites. It's also important to remember that we are equal in potential but if we don't take full advantage of this, then NO, we are NOT equal.  Yes, both you and your husband can go to law school and be lawyers.  But if he is an ECON major and you decided to get pregnant instead . . . yeah, he's smarter than you.  Sorry dude. But on the flip side, it's entirely your choice, and you have to own it. And you can't get upset if he get's a scholarship or better grades because he worked harder. but you can do that too!! We, as women, are just as capable as men, we just have to work for it, too! 

I also have this problem with the lack-of-personal-hygiene generally associated with Feminism. If there can be lipstick lesbians, can there not also be lipstick feminists? Can I not be attractive and independent? 

So this was kind of ramble-y but anyway, I think you can be a feminist and a lady!

Fried Green Tomatoes

 

Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe

by Fannie Flagg

"the catfish was so big, we took a picture of it, and the picture
alone weighed forty pounds!" 

I have read Fried Green Tomatoes many times, and it is one of the few books that I see as an entirely separate entity from the movie. This is because, to me, the movie is about the relationship between Idgie and Ruth, as framed by the Evelyn and Ninny (who I actually thought was Idgie when I first saw the movie . . . this makes me believe it's a common misconception) where as the book is about Evelyn, her life, her relationship with Ninny, and how Ninny encourages and empowers Evelyn through stories about Whistle Stop. 

For a fictional novel,  Fried Green Tomatoes deals with a lot of important women's issues.  It is the 80s and women's roles are changing (again). Evelyn is going through menopause and feels like her life is a waste.  Ninny is in a nursing home waiting for her best friend to die, waiting to die herself. Idgie and Ruth love each other, but Ruth is engaged, and they have a hard time admitting that they love each other.  It is presumed that they are in a lesbian relationship, and though it is never said so explicitly, there are many allusions and it is a cause for tension in their lives as they discover themselves and form their relationship. The issue of race is also present throughout the novel, but it is secondary to the story of Evelyn and Ninny. Despite the serious themes, many of the individual stories are hilarious, and Idgie is quite the character, as is Ninny.  Throughout the novel, one becomes very well acquainted with these women.

I really enjoy this book, but I am hesitant to recommend it to others because I am often accused of liking "weird books."  This is not in the same category of other "weird books" I like, but it is more of a "life journey" plot than an "action oriented" plot.  It almost reads like a connected collection of short stories, and I do think that anyone who enjoys the movie should read this, just for the knowledge, and I would definitely recommend this to anyone who enjoys hearing stories from their grandmother!